The Apocalypse... or not?!
by Kat28
Summary: Sirius Black is in the future... and it's all messed up!


6:03 am, Thursday 7th November, 6890, Wintangles Lifebook Store  
  
"Hello? Bonjour? Hallo? Tuiy? Ipo?-" a cool, clear voice cut through her droned greeting.  
  
"Oh shut up, I don't have enough time for you to go through the whole list, I need this to be sorted now, not next Christmas!"  
  
"Well- I'm Trend Fligaway, how may I help you?"  
  
"I need all the details on persons numbers 33345-1, 4352-23, and 5678-901."  
  
"I'm very sorry, I cannot give out personal details without identification verification."  
  
"I'm Sirius Black, one of the multiverses three Elite Lightseers and a student at Hogwarts, okay? I need them for research. Now give me those damn details!"  
  
"Y-yes of course, right away. Here you are. Their life-books."  
  
"Thank you, you stupid idiot. I now have exactly what I need to do exactly what I want!"  
  
"But, Mr. Black-"  
  
"Oh, you needn't call me by that stupid name! It's not as if I am him! He's missing, presumed murdered! By me!" laughing manically, the man removed himself.  
  
***  
  
*hmm, I wonder if I should have laughed more manically? After all, if I'm the bad guy, I need to laugh manically, don't I?* pausing, he turned and transported himself…  
  
***  
  
10:00 am, Monday 11th November, 6890, Multiversal Government Dimension  
  
"Well, I think that almost concludes our agenda for mechanical items, except for any other business. Any other business? No? Well, now, on to-"  
  
"I have some other business." Heads turned toward the speaker, a short, stocky Intl, who tended to blink his six eyes rather more than most of his species, who didn't blink more than once a lightyear. "I, Trik Numnuk, and some of my collegues, Yintak30 and Foriyg XXX, have recently made a most alarming and pressing discovery. Unless we shut down the machines in 24 hours, they will destroy the multiverse!"  
  
Silence greeted this astounding statement, followed by a babble of shocked voices. No-one doubted it as true, after all, Numnuk, Yintak30, and Foriyg XXX were three of the most respected and trusted MPs (Multiverse Politicians), and not only that, but all owned large mechanical empires. This shutdown would affect them just as badly as, if not worse than, everyone else in the multiverse.  
  
"Uh- are you sure?" A wavering voice came out over the sound system. Frit Tr5yhi8, a Tri8 and a lesser MP, had sensibly turned on the microvoice.  
  
"Definitely." Yintak30 stood up to confirm Numnuk's proposal.  
  
Striding down from the Elite Lightseers platform and snatching the microvoice from Tr5yhi8, Tryhark Vrontil questioned "There's no way we can just, say, reprogram them?"  
  
"No, nothing we can do." Foriyg XXX joined in.  
  
Tr5yhi8 turned to Vrontil and asked, "Can't you Elite Ls do anything about it?"  
  
"Well, we could if Black was here, but, as you may have noticed, he's missing at the moment. He won't answer any summons, and his housekeeper says she hasn't seen him since Thursday and me and Frontil can't do it by ourselves!"  
  
"That was 3 days ago!"  
  
"People go away for the weekend, don't they?"  
  
"Yeah, but that ended yesterday! He knew there was a meeting today! And surely he would have come back on Friday! The weekend doesn't start till Saturday!"  
  
One of the Elite Lightseers missing, and an imminent machine shutdown? Things weren't looking good for the Multiversal Government.  
  
"Well, there's nothing we can do about Black, but we can at least sort out the shutdown. Now, we must first…"  
  
***  
  
In a warded room, someone was looking at Numnuk's, Yintak30's and Foryg XXX's lifebooks. "You have done well. That is all I need now. The multiverse is shutdown, in chaos, and just waiting to be…" His voice trailed away, the last word said under his breath. He put his hand on the lifebooks and commanded, "Return to your true place!". The books disappeared back to the work qiok. "Now I must go. There is work to do. People of all species are in need of…" Again he muttered the last word, making it indistinguable to any would-be listeners. He turned and was gone.  
  
***  
  
Lifebook, n., lifebooks, a tiny computer-like thing that contains all information about any existing person, including their current situation, thoughts, and actions. Everyone's lifebooks are stored in Wintangles Lifebook Store, and any person with another person's lifebook has complete control over that person, which is why the lending out of lifebooks is strictly controlled by the Multiversal Government. The only people allowed to get out lifebooks without six weeks consideration from the Government are the three current Elite Lightseers.  
  
Elite Lightseer, n., Elite Lightseers, the one of perfect good. There are always three Elite Lightseers, and to have much power they must work together. They are incabable of doing evil.  
  
Jinx Frontil sighed. Looking at those dictionary entries told her nothing she didn't already know. Black had disappeared, and on the same night a weirdo looking exactly like him had gone to the work qiok, got out three lifebooks, claimed not to be Black, and to have deleted Black, and disappeared. She frowned. It didn't make sense. What would anyone want with an Elite L and three lifebooks, none of them his? She decided the next step was to find out who the three lifebooks that had disappeared for 5 days belonged to. Normally, this would take seconds. However with the machine shutdown, it could take days. Luckily, all names and numbers of people were kept on paper as well as in the computer system. She glanced round the gigantic library and sighed. Sometimes she regretted being an Elite L. This was going to take a while.  
  
She was just about to start checking when she got a summons. She was needed to appear at a council about the shutdown. "Hang on, I'll be there in a minute," she told them.  
  
"Excuse me," she said to an attendant, "Could you find out who these numbers are? I don't mind waiting a while, but it's quite urgent. Here, contact this number when you've found them. Thanks."  
  
She left, hurrying to the council. Since all the machines had to be shut down, no MPs could leave the Political Dimension, but she had everything she needed right here.  
  
***  
  
The multiverse was in chaos. People were rioting everywhere. No-one could do anything since the announced shutdown. The multiverse ran on computers. What were they going to do? Something needed to happen quickly, before, the OTHERS woke up.  
  
***  
  
Cold. Clammy. Not exactly what you want your room to be like when you wake up after a good long sleep…  
  
"WHAT IS THIS?! WHERE ARE MY SERVANTS?! WHERE ARE MY WORSHIPPERS?! WHERE ARE MY MINIONS?!" God had woken up. Nearby, similar yells indicated that Satan had awoken. The Others were back, and they weren't about to forget the kicking out they'd got.  
  
*****  
  
The year is 4990. Science has proved that God and Satan do not exist. People run through the streets rejoicing. No-one believes in them any more. They are unceremoniously kicked out by the machines.  
  
*****  
  
And now, the machines are gone. God and Satan appear once more. Everyone believes in them, after all, they are here, and where is Science now? People fall back into the old ways. They start thinking about politicians, and how they got them into the mess with the machines in the first place…  
  
***  
  
"GET RID OF POLITICIANS! WE DON'T NEED THEM ANYWAY! GET RID OF POLITICIANS! WE DON'T NEED THEM ANY MORE! WHAT DO WE WANT? NO POLITICIANS! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? NOW…"  
  
Their yells were clearly audible through the thin dimension barriers. Oh $@*!, thought the MPs, we're in trouble now.  
  
********************************************************  
  
I'm not even going to bother to tell you what happened. It's kind of obvious, isn't it? Black appears back, The Elite Ls together kick out God and Satan again, and restore the (fixed) machines. The multiverse is safe again. Why? You may ask. Why did he do it? Why set up the machines? Why wake up the Others? Why pretend to be murdered?  
  
The answer is simple; I was bored. I've done it before, I'll do it again. After all, being totally good is just… boring.  
  
Sirius Black  
  
P.S. My reason for pretending to be murdered; it was just part of my cover. 


End file.
